Killer Robots!

Our thanks to the Website Mayopie for this...warning.

Killer Robots, Can It Get Any Scarier?

Reprinted from : Mayopie

The puzzle is finally coming together. I’ve warned you people time and time again. Do you listen? No. You come here, think I’m all jokey jokester despite my persistent warnings. Well, I can’t help you if you don’t take me seriously. Vagina.

“So how are we going to die today, Mayo?” I’m glad you asked. We all know that the military has been developing unmanned military vehicles for years. We also know that, ideally, if the military was able to replace soldiers with robots and do so in a cost-effective way, they’d do it in a heartbeat. We know that they’ve developed a robot that eats dead people for fuel. We also know that many AI engineers believe that a terminator style machine rebellion is quite possible. This is all 100% factual. Anything else? Oh yeah, now they’ve made one that can jump over walls up to 25 feet high.

It’s important to note that the people eating robot and the jumping robot’s technology haven’t yet been married, but how long do you think that will be? I’d say one year from now, our streets will be overrun with self aware, jumping, people-eating robots. That’s a conservative estimate based on my robot expertise. Don’t believe me? Ask me a robot question. Go ahead.

Will robots take over the earth?

Yes.

Need more? Fine, but I hate parlor tricks.

In Rocky IV, Uncle Paulie bought Rocky a robot for his birthday. True or False?

Pfft. True. And he reprogrammed its voice to sound sexy. And it had a car radio and a phone.

Have I danced enough for you? Should I also juggle?

I think we can safely say that I know what I’m talking about. The question is, what are you going to do to prepare for the jumping robot apocalypse? Fortunately, you’re here. That’s the first step. Consider yourself lucky because I can assure you that you are one of very few. Those that read this blog will not only be prepared, but will likely garner the key information needed to thrive in a robot ruled society.

Let’s begin. First, robots are emotionless. This is great because the last thing we need is an angry, people-eating, jumping robot. It also tells us that it won’t feel bad about eating you, so let’s call that a wash. Second, walls will no longer help you. That’s a shame because that was really my whole plan: Get behind a big wall. Shit. Now they’ve upped the game. Jumping robots. Touche’. Like in any war, contingency plans are required and in many cases can be more effective than the original plan. And while the military robot designers believe they have effectively countered my simple but brilliant wall strategy, they had obviously not accounted for my keen sense of warfare.

Actually, I’ve got nothing. Game. Set. Match. They jump now. It’s over. Damn you robot designers! Ok. Let’s not panic. We need to remain calm and think about this. Let’s recap:

The military has designed a robot that consumes dead people for fuel.

The military has designed a robot that can jump over walls as high as 25 feet.

Scientists believe that machines will become self aware.

Robots are strong. Like monkey strong. And they’re metal. And they have computer brains.

Humans are fleshy and not nearly as strong as monkeys.

Not only do humans not have computer brains, but they will smell or taste something even if you tell them it’s nasty.

David Caruso.

Many humans aren’t even self aware.

Again, I find myself on the fence about which side I want to be on. Johnny 5 or Steve Guttenberg? Robot or Will Robinson? Terminator or guy in drive thru line this morning that couldn’t scour for change in his ashtray while sitting in line? When I put it this way, the choice is simple. Go robots.