EconomicPolicyJournal.com: Translation of State Department Advisory

 "The State Department has issued an advisory for Americans travelling in Europe, below is an uncensored translation that removes the political correctness..."

This summer we waterboarded an unshaved Muslim from Germany. In rather record time he warned us of possible attacks in Europe, we are not sure if he was telling us the truth or if he was making it all up so that he wouldn't be waterboarded anymore. Just to make sure, we waterboarded him once more, unfortunately we killed him on that go round.

Before his death, he did, however, provide us with the name of an al-Qaida member who knew the specifics of the plan. Unfortunately, in another stroke of bad luck, we killed that guy the week before in a drone attack.

So at this point, this is what we have: A terrorist attack may or may not occur, somewhere.
We will not be able to protect you beyond this information, so we suggest you act as though you were in other areas where we can not protect you, such as, downtown Detroit at night or the Tenderloin district of San Francisco at night.
In other words, if you are suurounded by terrorists shooting at you, duck and cover.


First published on the Economic Policy Journal